Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
