Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
