I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
