I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
