So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
