Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
