i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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