Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
