My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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