Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
