if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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