apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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