They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
