I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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