What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
