You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
