Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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