He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
