i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
