Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
