I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
