i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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