You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So many bounce houses so little time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize