Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize