So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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