is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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