Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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