Pants 0. Shit 1.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
