Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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