i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
