I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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