I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
