One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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