i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
