New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
