I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
