I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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