I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
