the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
