I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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