Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
