Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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