My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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