Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's shark week go big or go home
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
