All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
