John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize