what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
