guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
