ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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