and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
