Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize