Jerry, you need to find god
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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