party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
