im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
