I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
