you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
