you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
