did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
