if you like me you must not know who I am
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
