Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
