apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
