You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
