could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize