Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize