9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize