I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
bring money and cleavage
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
