I accidentally burped into my bong.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
